Couple's Therapy
by anaer
Summary: OR: That One Time My Therapist Hit On My Boyfriend. Cloud and Squall attend couple's therapy with Dr. Sephiroth. For the kink meme. Cleon if you couldn't guess and AU.


Adrian: So, I've been messing around reading at the Strifehart Kink meme for awhile, debating over whether I really wanted to write something when I saw this prompt that just begged me to fill it:

_Cloud and Squall attend couples couple's therapy with Dr. Sephiroth._

And, thus, this is created. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: Disney owns everything. And I mean _everything_. Square Enix owns stuff, too.

**Couple's Therapy (****Or That One Time My Therapist Hit On My Boyfriend)**

"Why are we doing this again?" Cloud grumped, dragging his feet as the two men grew closer to their doom at the end of the hallway.

Squall barely even flicked a glance back at his older, more immature boyfriend as he responded. "Because Aerith and Tifa feel that we have an unhealthy relationship and need to work on our communication skills, so they got Kairi to arrange this for us."

Cloud huffed. "And we agreed to this why?" the blonde man asked, crossing his arms petulantly.

A light smirk crossed the brunette's face. "Because Yuffie threatened that if we didn't, she would show everyone those pictures of that one time you—"

"Right!" Cloud cut off. "We don't need to bring that up again." Coming to a stop in front of the looming oak barrier, the two usually stoic men felt themselves grow smaller. "Doctor…Jenova?" _No, it absolutely couldn't be_, Cloud thought to himself. After all, Jenova was a common last name, like Strife. Or Leonh—ok, scratch that, Leonhart wasn't common at all. Loire, he decided on finally.

"Let's get this over with," Squall muttered, opening the door to their destruction.

The office looked pleasant enough, with its perfect peach walls and welcoming shades of yellow-orange. The illusion was broken, however, by the evilly-smirking silver-haired therapist sitting with his legs crossed in front of the desk.

"Mr. Strife, Mr. Leonhart," he greeted pleasantly enough, "If you would take a seat?" The doctor gestured to the couch in front of him.

"_Sephiroth_?!" the blonde man exclaimed, getting over his initial shock.

"Hello, Cloud," was the ever-so-calm reply.

Squall looked back and forth between the two of them. "What, you know each other?"

"_Yes_!" Cloud yelled, "And there's absolutely no way I'm sitting for therapy from this asshole!" The only thing that prevented the blue-eyed man from storming out that instant was the steel grip on his arm and the heavily plastered smile his boyfriend leveled at him.

"We sit for one session and never have to come back, or we get embarrassed for life," the dark-haired man growled under his breath at him.

"Fine," he snapped back quietly, moving to plop down on the couch.

"So," Squall ventured as he himself took a seat, "How do you two know each other?"

"He killed my chocobo! He broke Zack's heart! He _stalked_ _me_!"

"I did not kill your chocobo!" Sephiroth replied indignantly. "That was Reno, and you know it!"

"…" Squall glanced back and forth between the two of them. _This_ was the top-notch counselor Kairi had hired for them?

"Either way, this is not about our relationship problems, Cloud, this is about you and Mr. Leonhart's. So _tell me about yourselves._" That wasn't a question, it was an order, and one Cloud did not take to too kindly. The two men continued to glare back and forth until Squall broke the silence.

"I'd prefer if you called me Leon," he interjected. "And…uh…we share an apartment in Radiant Garden, that Cloud runs his delivery business out of. I'm the Vice Principal over at Balamb Garden."

Sephiroth nodded to himself, content to ignore Cloud for now, as he jotted some notes onto his giant yellow pad.

"How did you two get the courage to talk to a…well, normally I'd say a stranger, but, well, _me_ about your relationship?"

Cloud and Squall exchanged a glance, Cloud's of the frantic, 'Don't tell him anything!' variety, and Squall's of the wry, 'Courage had _nothing_ to do with it' type.

"We were blackmailed into coming," the vice-principal eventually settled on, much to the blonde's consternation. "We really don't want to be here at all."

Sephiroth shot a knowing smirk at Cloud. "It was that one time you—"

"Aren't you supposed to act impartial, or something?!" Cloud interrupted again.

"How am I not being impartial? Anyway…_Leon_, was it? Do you think the problems in your relationship are more to do with things inside your relationship or outside your relationship?"

"That's just it," the unaddressed blonde man responded. "We don't _have_ relationship problems."

"Not letting your partner speak for himself seems a very big problem to me," the therapist responded smoothly, jotting down more notes. "Besides, you wouldn't be here if you didn't have some kind of problem."

While Cloud silently fumed to himself, Squall spoke up in reply. "Actually, we really don't have any relationship problems between the two of us right now. We get along perfectly. It's everyone else who doesn't seem to understand that."

"So the difference in success in your lives has no impact whatsoever upon your relationship?"

The dark-haired man narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean by that?"

"It's simply that Cloud runs a delivery business out of your home while you're a Vice-Principal of one of the most prestigious academies at such a young age."

"My delivery business is very successful, thank you very much," Cloud snapped. He was ignored.

"Cloud's delivery business is _very_ successful," Leon-not-Squall reiterated.

"Of course, of course," Sephiroth muttered to himself, jotting more down on his notepad. "Now, it says here that you, Mr. Leonhart, were raised in the city of Esthar while Cloud was raised in the backwards, middle-of-nowhere town of Nibelheim. Do the cultural differences in how you were raised affect your happiness in any way?"

"No, not really."

"So the fact that Cloud was raised to be a spoiled brat has no negative impact on your relationship at all?"

"…"

"It's perfectly understandable that you've lost your feelings for Mr. Strife," Sephiroth cooed creepily, scooting his chair closer to his dark-haired patient. "What with the way he _clearly_ mistreats you."

"Wait, _what_?!" Cloud demanded, a threat clearly in his voice. Again, he was ignored.

"What point are you trying to get at, Dr. Jenova?" Squall questioned calmly. A little _too_ calmly.

Sephiroth ever so casually rested his hand on his patient's thigh, completely ignoring the way Cloud's red face made it look like he was about to explode (and whether it was Cloud or Sephiroth who was going to explode—well, no one was really quite sure about that). "Please, call me Sephiroth. And I just think that you need to take a little time to…_explore other options_. I think if the two of you took some time off, tried other things, other people, it would do _wonders_ for your relationship."

"Really?" Leon responded. "That's what you think?" Sephiroth failed to recognize the subtle annoyance lacing the brunette's voice.

"That is my professional opinion," the silver-haired snake smoothly said.

"You know what I think?" the man didn't give the therapist enough time to respond before he continued, tone creepily dark, "I think you need to take your hand off of my leg."

Sephiroth barely even saw it coming, but Cloud did and settled back into his seat with a smirk, content to watch the show.

Five minutes later, the couple walked down the hallway again, this time heading the opposite way.

"That," Squall began quietly, "we never agree to do again. Ever. Even on pain of blackmail. Understood?"

"I don't know," Cloud replied as they approached the grumpy looking receptionist in the waiting room past the end of the hallway. Stepping up to the counter, he continued, barely acknowledging the disgruntled employee with the nametag 'Vincent' hanging lopsidedly off of the red and black suit he wore, "It was very stress relieving. In fact, I think I might like to schedule another appointment for next week."

Squall paused for a moment to gauge whether or not his erratic boyfriend was being serious. "…Fine," he replied after a moment. "But you're paying for the dry cleaning. It's expensive to get blood out of leather."

**END.**

Adrian: Wow, my first Kingdom Hearts story in ages. I wish I still had all my old ones, but oh, well. If I ever find them, I'll probably repost them. It feels good to be back.

Review!


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